It's been so long

It is always hard to come back to something.  The longer you ignore it, the harder it gets.  So, here is my triumphant return to blogging.

I have had the worst week of my life and with it behind me I feel a sense of relief, of hope, and of fear.  I have found two parts of me battling and destroying me, but I feel stronger every day and know that the positive me will win.  It is just weird how quickly it all came, an avalanche of suppressed thoughts and fears just crushed me.  One day I am happy looking forward to the new year and the next I am a ball of anxiety and sadness, fearful of everything.  I just fell down the rabbit hole - I let myself fall, for the first time I just let myself fall completely.  I was terrified by what I saw, but only by staring the darkness down can I fully understand myself.  So, here I am now with lingering thoughts of the week and trying to regain control.  My pride may be damaged and my body may be a while recovering, but it was all for the better.  That is the important thing to remember - sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can start climbing up.  I just wanted to let you know what happened to me and to thank everyone for being present in my life.  Knowing I have people that care for me, even if they are hundreds of miles away, helped my get through the darkest times.  I love you all.  Here's to a year of self discovery and recovery, of love and happiness, of understanding and improvement.  Here's to the year of the Ox - a year of calmness and hardwork.